I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
