I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
