Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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