After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
