So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
