So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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