I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
