You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
