soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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