At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
