i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize