Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
