It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
