Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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