too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
