Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
