Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
