I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
