did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
