this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
40s are totally the cure
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
