Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
