the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize