part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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