In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
