I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
