i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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