You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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