Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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