Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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