I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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