You can't special order awesome
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
