Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
