This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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