I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
