If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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