he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
