No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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