It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
