You just made me feel so damn special
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
