I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
