I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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