I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
