Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
