I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
