He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize