I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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