Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
