This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
