I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
