you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
