I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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