Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
