i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
