Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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