Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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