I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
