If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
