i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
