i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
