I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
