Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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