I can tuck mytits in my pants
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize