in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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