Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
