Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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