Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
