You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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