D3 body, D1 cock
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
