He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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