Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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