My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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