I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize