I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
