This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
