Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FUCK WHALES
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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