I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
