And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
