I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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