She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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