I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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