On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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