I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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