No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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