i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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