my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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