life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
