He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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